1. Colin Jackson will be wearing a new waistcoat.
2. The crowd will be often celebrated as ‘the best in the world’.
3. Usain Bolt will wi…yeah you know the script.
4. Michael Johnson will look even more bored than usual when asked to analyse what went wrong during the men’s 4x400m.
5. Jonathan Edwards will repeatedly state he really isn’t bothered if someone breaks his world record.
6. Brendan Foster will be caught hanging around outside Mo Farah’s window.
7. Paula Radcliffe will be quite cross about doping.
8. Ninety-four British athletes will be presented with Olympic medals dating back to 1908 after recent drug tests.
9. ‘MO FARAH IS KICKING, HERE HE GOES!’ Zzzzzzzz.
10. Farah will thank his fans, criticise those who disagree.
11. Alberto Salazar will not be mentioned until ‘the report’ is published.
12. Lord Coe will come on the BBC to tell everyone what a great job he is doing. Steve Cram will agree.
13. Brendan Foster will spend several laps talking about an athlete he hasn’t spotted isn’t racing.
14. If it rains, it will be Russia’s fault.
15. The needle will return to the start of the song and we will all sing along like before.
Words by James Fairborn
Image from London 2017